brain overload

I have been in new teacher training all week. First of all when you haven't gotten up at 6am all summer long, it sure is hard!! I am so tired and so drained from all of the info given and a lot of it is very repetitive. I keep telling everyone that info is going in my brain and it is being filed, but the file cabinets are locked and I can't find the key right now. LOL!

I finally got into my room. They are doing construction on our buiding. Part of that construction has caused the entire 2nd grade to move to new (not brand new, just new to us)classrooms. So, my classroom use to be the computer lab. It has a pole right smack dab in the middle of the room that has a drop line in it for the compters. I have been told that eventually it will be removed, but it is unknown when. This tells me that will happen fter school starts. Here are the comments I have received from others regarding the pole:

Pole dancing is good exercise.

You could use it to raise money for the PTA.

It seems fitting that you were the one to get the room with the pole.

Where's the strobe light?

You could use your abilities from your Carmen Electra's Striptease Aerobic video with that pole.

Needless to say it has been pretty funny.

I have no idea how I am going to get my room ready in time for meet the teacher night which is one week from today. And school starts on the 27th, ugh! A little anxiety is going on here. I work well under pressure, but this is a lot of pressure. Thank goodness a smile goes a long way.

I thought I would take some before pics of my room:

This is the view from the door looking in.

See what I mean about the pole being right in the middle of the room?

This is the view from my desk looking at the door.

Here is my pole and me :)

If you can't laugh at yourself who can you laugh at?

I can't sleep...

Let's see...it is 1:20 am. I am usually asleep around 11pm. I am very tired but my brain won't let me sleep. Here is what has been running through it.....

My house went on the market at the beginning of the week. It looks great, sure hope it sells fast.

I start "teaching workshops". Since I am a new teacher, I have to attend a buttload. Our school is doing some major construction so I can't even get into my classroom until a week before school starts. I have been having "I'm not prepared " nightmares about school already!

I haven't printed out a single wedding photo...isn't that bad! I love them, but just haven't had the time. And speaking of procrastination (probably the real reason photos arn't done)I still have a handful of thank you cards left to fill and send out, ugh!

The real reason I am probably awake tonight is I am thinking of my dad. It has been 2 months since he passed away. I have done so much in two months that it seems like forever ago that I went to the funeral, then again it feels like yesterday. I am so used to pickingup the phone and telling him about things going on in my life. What's weird is that I have the hardest time speaking about him in past tense. The other day I said something to Dancer like "oh, dad would like that", like he is still around. The worst was last week my step mom called while I was out, so when I checked the caller id it had my dad's name on it. For a split second I was so excited that he had called, only to realize that it couldn't have been him. Now I am crying as I am typing.

ok, I'm back.... need to invest in Kleenex stock.
I've never had anyone close to me die, before my dad passed away. I've never been on the receiving end of condolences. It's weird. People usually ignore the fact that my dad died. Or some say their sorry to know he passed. And then my personality hides the way I feel in front of others. It's like I don't want them to feel bad so I make jokes and goof around. I put up this front, like its no big deal when nobody really knows that I cry everyday, mostly in the shower or at night when everyone is asleep. I especially don't cry in front of Lil'Babs. She was pretty upset over it all, too. She asks me every couple of days...why did Grandpa have to die? Sometimes I just want someone to just hold me and tell me it's ok to feel the way I feel....I just don't want to burden anyone by telling them I feel sad about my dad passing....that is why I cry by myself. I've got to try to go to sleep....I am not even going to read back over this because I'll probably just delete it and say "babs, your just being silly...go to bed"
~until next time